Loving-kindness meditation

The strongest evidence is for positive affect and self-directed kindness. Galante and colleagues reviewed 22 randomised trials in 2014 and reported moderate effects on depression, mindfulness and compassion against passive controls, plus a smaller effect on self-compassion. Positive emotions improved against an active comparison. Two caveats matter: the review covered kindness-based practices broadly, not metta alone, and the authors called the results inconclusive for some outcomes, particularly against active controls. Fredrickson and colleagues reported in 2008 that seven weeks of practice raised positive emotions, which built personal resources, which in turn predicted life satisfaction.

Sit comfortably, bring one specific person to mind, and offer them a short set of wishes, repeating each one slowly. Traditionally you work outward through five circles: yourself, someone easy to love, a neutral person, a difficult person, and all beings. Ten to fifteen minutes covers two or three circles without rushing. Each circle asks for something different, so treat them as separate skills rather than one exercise repeated at five targets. If a circle stalls, move to the next one and come back another day rather than forcing it.

It can, and the two work differently. For self-compassion the evidence is reasonable: a 2014 review of 22 randomised trials of kindness-based meditation reported a small to moderate effect on self-compassion against passive controls, though the authors rated the quality of the reports as low to moderate. For a difficult relationship, treat the practice as optional and last. Goodwill toward someone who harmed you is not forgiveness, not reconciliation and not approval, and it is never a test of your practice. If bringing the person to mind is very upsetting, set them aside for now.

The common English set is four lines: may I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease. They are a starting point rather than a fixed formula, and plenty of people find centuries-old phrasing hard to connect with. Three ways to build your own: recall one specific occasion when somebody was kind to you and work from what they actually offered; build a scene you can return to instead of reaching for the feeling directly; or ask what words you would want said to you on a hard day. Keep them short enough to repeat without reading.

Loving-kindness meditation, metta bhavana in Pali, is the cultivation of goodwill toward specific people using short repeated phrases such as may you be safe and may you live with ease. It is usually taught in circles: yourself, someone you love, someone you barely know, someone you find difficult, and then all beings. The success criterion is the intention behind the phrase rather than any feeling it produces. A session where you formed the wishes and meant them as aims has done its work, even if nothing warm arrived.